John Francis

Richie moved over to join the other men. He noticed that Jon kept an eye on Amanda, but didn’t go over to her except when he refilled his own drink. He was still drinking straight Jack and the other four men who had seen this Jon for over a year were all exchanging looks, most of them directed at Richie, who managed to shrug without Jon seeing him. None of them could understand what had happened. Even Richie who had seen Jon’s behavior during the last week was at a loss.

Amanda stayed close to the bar area as it seemed Jon didn’t want her with him tonight. He would stop over to get a drink and say a few words, but then he was off again without inviting her to come with him. She had tried to deny it, hoping they could discuss whatever was bothering him, but he had shut her out so completely she didn’t even know how to approach the problem.

I don’t know what I did, but I know he wants me to leave. He can’t even be with me and it’s been so clear this past week. She discounted how many times he had made love to her during the same time, but remembered last night when the pain in her heart stopped her body’s response to him. She knew the time had come. He would always have her heart, but she had to leave before he actually asked her to. Her heart wouldn’t be able to stand that.

Taking a quick look around and seeing that Jon was talking with a group of people, she slipped out of the bar area and went to the front desk.

“Excuse me. Would it be possible to reserve a room for tonight?” The clerk informed her that room 817 was available and handed her a key with the room number on it. She paid with her credit card, informing the desk that she would need it for at least two days. I can’t go back with him. Maybe Linda will send me my stuff. She put the room key in her purse and returned to the main bar area.

Jon had seen her leave the room for a few minutes and wondered where she had gone as the bathrooms were nearby. His emotions were so on edge he felt he was going to explode. He had been struggling for the past week trying to reconcile what he believed about Amanda with the doubts his mother had planted. So many years of people using him and wanting something from him had him waging an internal war over what his head and his heart were telling him.

Last night had been the last straw on his tenuous hold on his emotions. Since the beginning Manda had responded to his touch with a warmth and a willingness to share that had left him breathless with her reactions. Last night…he cringed inwardly…he had made love to her and…nothing. She didn’t turn him away, but after so many weeks of her genuine pleasure at having him touch her and be inside her, she didn’t respond. And then she had turned away from him afterwards and he had just let her go, too embarrassed to make another move towards her.

Deep in his thoughts, he heard Tico call his name.

“Why are you drinking so much, man?”

“Because I want to,” was Jon’s snarled response, his thoughts quickly returning to the utter mess he seemed to be in.

The evening progressed, but not well. Jon remained surly with everyone, but constantly watched Amanda now. He was getting drunk and Richie and Tico exchanged glances with each other. Something was really wrong. Richie moved to the bar by Amanda, deciding to try and talk with her and find out what had happened. Her purse was partially open and he thought he saw a hotel room key inside. He was pretty sure Jon wasn’t planning on spending the night here and was even more sure that Amanda was.

Jon made his way over to Amanda, ordering another drink. He stood beside her for a few moments, then took her hand and led her to the dance floor. Her head was bowed as she followed him and when he pulled her into his arms, a small shudder ran through her. Thoughts swirled inside her head and tears threatened, but she managed to hold on to her fragile emotions. She breathed him in as he pulled her closer to his body and he buried his face in her hair and the side of her neck. They slowly danced and with each step Amanda felt her heart breaking a little more. I can’t believe it’s over. He’s never going to hold me again.

Jon felt Amanda shudder as he took her in his arms to dance. He was not too drunk to realize how tightly she was holding him. He felt her in his arms, her curves molded to his strength, and buried his face in her hair. He breathed her in and felt her warmth. I need her...God, I want her. He mentally cursed the doubts in his own mind but couldn’t find the strength to break free of them.

Richie, still sitting at the bar, watch the two on the dance floor. He saw how each held the other and knew that no matter what was wrong, they still loved each other. He couldn’t understand why Jon had turned against her. What the hell could she have done? Why has he been treating her like he has? Amanda’s purse was beside him on the bar and thanking the gods of obtuse lovers, he peeked quickly inside and saw a room key for room 817 for the hotel they were in. He closed her purse and continued watching the two on the floor.

The first song came to an end and Amanda tried to leave Jon’s arms, but he held her to him and continued dancing when another song came on. A minute or so into the song, she spoke softly into his ear.

“I hope you have a wonderful New Year, Jon. I really want you to be happy.”

“I’m going to, baby, I’m going to.”

A few more steps and he heard her say, “I want you to know I’ll always love you.” Her voice even softer now. She kissed his cheek, breathed him in one more time, and gave a squeeze of her arms around his back and waist.

He started to answer her, but the music changed to a fast song and she slipped quickly out of his arms. She blended into the crowd filling the dance floor, moving side to side causing Jon to lose track of her. He was surrounded by the new influx of dancers and by the time he could attempt to follow her through the flood of people, she was gone. He looked around the room, trying to find her, but only managed to see Richie, leaning up against the bar where Amanda had been most of the night.

Jon moved over to his friend, taking another swallow of his drink, and spoke as casually as he could.

“Where’d Amanda go?” His asked, leaning his back against the bar, his voice a little slurred.

“She’s gone.” Richie’s voice was as full of scorn as Jon had ever heard it.

Turning slowly to look his friend full in the face, Jon’s voice rose. “What the fuck do you mean she’s gone?”

Hoping to avoid a scene in front of so many of their music peers and industry executives, as well as any possible unknown press, Richie grabbed Jon’s arm, pulling him out of the room and down a hallway into an empty dining alcove. Practically shoving Jon into the room and blocking the doorway with his six foot frame, Richie stood with his hands on his hips and practically spat out his response.

“What I mean is that she seems to have finally gotten tired of the abuse you’ve been throwing at her and she’s gone.”

Jon gaped at Richie, sobering by the second. “She can’t leave!”

“Sure she can. You don’t own her…hell, I don’t think you even want her anymore.”

His mouth open and eyes wide, Jon shook his head. “What the hell are you talking about? Of course I want her!”

A sarcastic laugh escaped Richie at that comment. “Wanting to have sex with her and wanting her in your life aren’t the same, you asshole!” Refusing to back down, he continued.

Let me ask you something, ever hear about something called ‘Test to Destruction’?”

Jon shook his head no.

Richie’s look was full of disgust as he told Jon what it was.

“It means to keep trying to destroy something until you do destroy it. You’ve been doing that to her all week, maybe even longer. You’ve treated her like shit and yet you still can’t get out of her bed. Have you even seen her eyes these past few days, Jon? You’re killing her spirit. You’re killing what makes her so unique and so special.”

Jon shook his head wildly. “You don’t understand, you don’t know what’s been in my head.”

“So why don’t you tell me?”

Jon did. He told him about the doubts that had first arisen at Dot’s words about Amanda seeming too good to be true. He also told him everything his mother had said.

Looking at him with pity now, Richie’s voice was softer.

“Do you feel better now, man? Now you and your mom can say she’s just like all the others, only after your money and your fame. Yep, that’s Amanda. She really flaunted being Jon Bon Jovi’s girlfriend, didn’t she? Bet she told everyone she knew, stopped strangers on the street, wore a fuckin’ sign.”

Jon started to speak, but Richie shook his head no.

“Oh, and let’s not forget how she spent your money…remember all those dinners out to expensive restaurants she made you take her to, the jewelry she hinted at until you bought it, the clothes she made you buy because she ‘just didn’t have anything to wear’. Oh yeah, I remember that. She was a real gold-digger, Jon, you should be glad she’s gone.”

Tico had been paying attention in the other room and had seen Richie drag Jon out. He walked along the hallway until he heard their voices. He had been listening for the last several minutes and now walked into the room.

Looking Jon deep in the eyes, the older man spoke. “You actually lost her, didn’t you?”

Jon was shaking his head no, he had not lost her, she couldn’t be gone.

Tico wasn’t finished.

“You get a gift like that and you’re too stupid to appreciate it, too stubborn to do everything possible to keep it? You don’t deserve her.” He walked a little away from Jon then, shaking his head.

Jon raised his eyes to his friend. The hurt there was painful to see, but Richie remained unmoved. He had been quiet during the time since his return from California when Jon refused to listen. Now that he seemed to be at least hearing him, Richie wasn’t about to stop.

“What did she ever ask of you?” Richie paused then, his voice suddenly softer. “She didn’t even ask you to love her, Jon, she just gave you her love.”

Jon’s pacing was increasing and his eyes were taking on a wilder, darker hue that reflected the emotions growing inside him. She can’t be gone, she can’t. He stopped and turned to the other two men.

“Do you know where she is?

Richie didn’t even look at Tico as he made a quick decision – he lied. “No.”

“She said she wouldn’t ever just take off again, that she wouldn’t run away!” Jon’s voice was desperate now.

“Yeah, well you said a lot of shit too.” Richie’s retort was harsh. “And she didn’t take off, she told me she was leaving the party.”

Looking wildly around, Jon started for the door. “Then she went home.”

“Jon! You made it clear this past week it wasn’t her home. She didn’t go there.”

Stopping in mid-stride towards the door, Jon turned and looked at his friends. “Where the hell could she have gone?” He stroke quickly to Richie, grabbing him by the shirt front.

“She knows you’re her friend. She would have told you! Dammit, Rich, tell me where she is?”

Shaking his head, Richie knew he couldn’t let Jon see Amanda in his present condition. He needed to sober him up some first.

“She said she was leaving, but not going to your house. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t answer me.”

Letting go of Richie’s shirt, Jon slumped into a chair, holding his head in his hands. “God help me.”

Richie moved over to Tico and whispered sotto voice, “Don’t let him leave. I need some time. Amanda’s here in the hotel. She got a room.”

Tico nodded and used his cell to call David and Hugh to get their asses to the room where they were as there was a major problem.