John Francis

Oh my god! Jon thought. He looked at her, Carrie all but forgotten at that moment.

“Manda…” he started, trying to think how to explain, but then her words penetrated his sheer shock at having her appear in the doorway.

Carrie looked at Amanda, then at Jon who stood there in open-mouthed dismay. She turned to Amanda again and really looked her.

“You are not beautiful…” Carrie’s voice was not mean, just matter of fact.

“No, I’m not.” Amanda replied evenly.

“Then it is worse than I thought. If you were a great beauty, I would know how you attracted him. But, it is not your face, so that means it is who you are and who he is when he is with you.” Again, Carrie simply stated what she thought, no anger or pettiness in her tone.

Turning to Jon, she reached out a hand and touched his cheek.

“Good-bye Jon.” She looked again at Amanda, then turned and walked out of the room.

Amanda continued to look at him. Inside her a maelstrom of emotions was boiling. She was glad she had heard what she did as he had just shown he was willing to change and not repeat the mistakes of his past. What she didn’t expect was how painful it was to hear what had been said.

Jon was completely astonished at her reaction. He looked at her, trying to judge what he had heard and if he heard her correctly.

Stammering a little, he started, “I’m sorry you heard that.”

“I’m not. Would you like to know why?” She asked him, her head tilted as she watched him.

“Yeah, I sure as hell would.” He managed to get out.

“Because you were keeping your word. You have a past, Jon, maybe more extensive than I realized, but it’s pretty obvious you had a long-term relationship with her and you just ended it for me. You did end it because of me, right?”

Nodding his head, he moved to her. “Yes I did, I don’t want the same mistakes, the same problems. I wish you wouldn’t have learned about her though…makes me seem like a real asshole, doesn’t it?”

“Well, it’s not one of the nicest things I’ve learned about you to date, but…”

Her words were silenced as he drew her in for a kiss. He put his love and his yearning for her into his kiss and she answered him with the love and longing in her heart. Jon had pulled her to him and suddenly they both heard a whisper come from the doorway, penetrating their heated embrace.

“Jon! Are you a fucking idiot or what?” Richie’s voice was an angry hiss. They broke apart and Richie then got a look at who Jon was kissing. “Oh shit! Sorry, I, um, that, uh…aw fuck!” He was completely caught off guard by this situation and knew he had just screwed up.

Amanda looked at him. “You knew, didn’t you?”

“Knew what, darlin’?” He tried to bluff. Her look stopped him. “Shit! Yeah, I knew, okay?”

“Now I know.” She answered him back.

Even more confused, Richie asked her, “What do you know?”

Her smile was a bit forced as she answered him. “I know that Jon means to keep his word and stop making the mistakes he made in the past. I know I can add a little more trust to how I feel about him. And, I know that I shouldn’t be surprised by anything in the future that relates to his past.”

She shot both of them a bit of a hard look then. “I understand a more than 25 year friendship and all that, but don’t make me out to be a fool, either of you, alright?”

They nodded at her. It was the best she could hope for, to try to make that point, as she knew the short time they had been together did not and never would over-ride their long friendship. Hell, she could be with Jon for 25 years and Richie would still have 25 more years than her.

Drawing out a long breath, Richie said, “Oooh-kay…, well, then, guess I’ll head back to the party.” He left, shaking his head from side to side.

Looking at Jon, Amanda regarded him with her arms loosely crossed. “So, rock star, is there a girl in every country like that one?”

He winced at her calling him ‘rock star’ as it was a little like a slap coming from someone who didn’t think of him that way, or at least hadn’t until she’d had it rubbed in her face. The truth was there wasn’t someone in every country, there had been one nighters and Carrie here in England.

Shaking his head slowly “no” he told her the truth. “That’s not how it is or how it was. She was the only one like that.”

“Okay, thanks for telling me. We should head back to the party, don’t you think?” She uncrossed her arms and held out her hand to him. He took it, his feelings jumbled, and walked back with her to the big room.

~~~

Amanda and Jon came back into the main room where everyone seemed to be having a great time. They joined up with the rest of the guys who, with the exception of Richie, had no idea of any of the drama that had been taking place. Jon, not in the least insensitive to Amanda’s feelings, kept her hand tucked into his. He needed to touch her, to reassure himself that this too would work out. He was embarrassed at having her hear and see him with Carrie and even more embarrassed that she knew he had done this to his ex-wife. How the hell am I ever going to get her to really trust me?

Richie raised his eyebrows at Jon at their return and Jon gave a slight shake of his head that indicated things seemed to be okay, but who knew. Amanda was a little quieter than usual, thinking about so many things. I wish I didn’t know about her. That was long term. That was more than a one night stand – that was a man who lived a double life. She laughed at the appropriate times and joined in, but her mind was still operating on another level. Her thoughts returned to the interview. Jon said ‘no marriage plans’. Then she berated herself. What the hell are you doing thinking about marriage? You don’t know him, you only think you do. Just enjoy this for as long as it lasts. But that was part of the problem, a part of her did feel that at some time it would come to an end.

Giving herself a mental shake, Amanda made a decision. The truth was he deserved her at least, if not more, than she deserved him. She had been a faithful wife and would be a faithful girlfriend. She was worthy of his attentions and she was going to stop acting like a scared little girl who was afraid someone was going to take her best toy away. This man was hers now and it was high time he knew it, really knew it.

Turning, she whispered in Jon’s ear, “How long do we have to stay here?” With wide eyes, he answered that they could leave at any time.

“So, let’s mingle our way outta here, what do you say?” Her grin urged him to agree with her.

Jon stood up so suddenly the table fell into complete silence. Her hand was still in his and he helped her exit the table then turned to all present.

“Good night,” was all he said as he marched out of the room, nothing discreet in his manner or departure, practically dragging her along with him. She heard laughter from the table as they recovered from the shock of his abrupt departure.

“Jesus, Jon! I said mingle our way out of here, not announce it to the world!” She hissed at his back as he continued on his single-minded mission.

He continued on without a word until the elevator opened. He then pulled her inside with him and as the doors closed he was on her. He pressed her against a wall of the elevator, taking her with his mouth over hers, his hands on her breasts, his hardness pressed against her leg. She was shaking by the time they reached their floor and almost out of breath.

Jon ducked his head out, saw the hallway was clear, and dragged her to the room. He opened the door within seconds and had her in with him. The door slammed shut. He pushed her against the door, continuing what he had begun in the elevator. Amanda’s grip on him was as fierce as her emotions. The tongues dueled as they moved to the bed. Jon’s hands were again moving to her breasts when she spoke breathlessly.

“So what do you want, Bon Jovi? Want to make love to me or do you want to fuck me?”

Jon stopped all movement at her words. Bon Jovi? Fuck me? He knew then that she was more hurt than she was letting on. He pulled back from her and met her eyes.

“Manda, don’t…don’t do that,” his voice was soft as he spoke to her.

“Don’t do what, Jon?”

“Hit me or slap me, or hell, even punch me again, but don’t do this to us.”

She turned her eyes from him, but he wouldn’t let go of her arms.

“You’re hurt and you’re pissed…” she was shaking her head no, but he shook her lightly by the arms. “Yes you are and you’re trying to turn this, turn us, into less than what we are. I should have realized it when you called me ‘rock star’ downstairs.”

Amanda was angry with herself mostly for the hurt she felt. It was just that it seemed from Richie and from Jon that his relationships were with his ex or one time moments. She didn’t have a right to be hurt over something that had happened before her and he did do the right thing. But feelings were fickle things and she could not deny that his duplicity had raised emotions inside her.

“I don’t have any right to be angry with you. You didn’t do anything and you were stopping something that you had done before.” She was speaking quietly, but still not looking at him.

“Doesn’t matter. You still feel the way you do, but I’m not going to let you do this to us. You mean more to me every day and I know you feel the same way, you show it in everything you do. I really do love you, Amanda.”

Her voice was very small, almost a whisper, as she answered him.

“I heard Dot say you told her that too, but I just found out you lived a secret life for five years, Jon.”

Son of a bitch! Jon swore silently. I fucking knew it! That’s why I didn’t want her to find out about Carrie!

Looking at him, she sighed deeply. “I really want to trust you. You did the right thing and here I am trying to punish you.

Tears were in her eyes now as she saw the hurt on his face at what she had said to him.

“I do love you, but I don’t know what to think about all this.”

His face was closing up a little and he struggled to listen to her, to have her speak her mind.

“Can you tell me why? I mean, I know it’s none of my business, but I have to know how you could do this?”

Jon’s voice was almost emotionless as he gave his reasoning, without attempting any justification.

“Dot and I were fighting so much. We were barely civil and while I was over here on tour, she was dealing with having had Jake barely a year and a half before and being alone with him and the other kids. She was angry at having me gone so much and missing so much of what was happening with Jake and the others. We had a really bad fight and I ended up taking a walk that night, stopping in a small pub where Carrie worked. She and I talked, or actually I talked and she listened. We were here for over a month at various venues and I kept going back to see her.”

Amanda nodded her head at him to continue.

“It was comfortable being with her. She knew I would never leave Dot and she was content with that. Like I said, I was selfish and thought I wasn’t hurting anyone if nobody knew. I was wrong.”

Fire lit his eyes then as she made no response to his “confession”.

“Dammit, Amanda, I’m not lying to you and I’m not going to make the same mistakes again!”

He pulled her into his arms then and held her against him until they could both feel the beating of their hearts. He felt her gradually relax and pulling back a little he looked deep into her eyes. Hurt was still evident, but so was what he wanted to hope was belief. He kissed her and when she began kissing him back, he moved to undress her with unhurried motions, breathing her in as he did so. Their eyes never left the other as they moved languidly to the bed, Jon sliding one thigh between her legs, resting some of his weight on her. She touched him everywhere she could reach, feeling the strength of his arms, the hair of his chest, the muscles of his back. He stroked her neck, moving downward to her breasts, to span her waist. Grasping her hips, he moved into position and looked deeply into her eyes.

Amanda saw him hesitate before entering her and with a voice filled with passion, she gently appealed to him.

“Make love to me, Jon, make me know I’m yours.”

Slowly and lovingly he entered her warmth, sliding into the silk that was pure Amanda. She enveloped him, arching for him, as he stroked inside her heat. Love and lust battled with each other as they moved within their primal connection. They felt each other responding, their peaks approaching with a rapidness that surprised them both. Amanda felt one more thrust that sent her over and her moans drew Jon’s own response. They were panting and holding each other as close as they could. Over and over they murmured to each other, the only word making sense was the word “love”.

Neither admitted, even to themselves, that what the other had learned still lingered.