For the briefest of moments Amanda was sure her mind was playing some sort of trick on her. She had been so jumbled inside from her own feelings the entire day regarding Jon and Dot, their marriage, their current relationship, whether everything was over, and so many more thoughts that when Jon called out his ex-wife’s name at the penultimate moment with her, she believed she had only been projecting. Unfortunately, her gut over-rode her brain and she realized she really had heard it.
Jon, carried away during the moment, had not realized what he had said. He dropped down over Amanda, burying his face into her neck and hair, murmuring to her that he loved her. She found herself completely unable to choose a course of action and reflexively patted him on the shoulder as he eased his weight off her, but kept her tightly bound to him by his arm across her chest and his leg over hers. Light snoring soon told its own tale, while Amanda found herself awake long into the night.
~~~
Morning arrived at the Bongiovi house and Amanda woke first. Wiggling out from underneath Jon’s arm, she freshened up as quietly as she could and went downstairs. Starting a pot of coffee, she found herself just wandering once the fresh cup was in her hand. She seemed to have nothing but random thoughts in her head and simply traveled from room to room, seeing everything and nothing at the same time.
During one of her passes through the living room, she saw a pack of Marlboro’s sticking out of the pocket of Jon’s suit jacket from yesterday. Although Amanda had quit many years ago, the cigarettes called out to her and she snagged two, as well as his lighter, and took a refilled coffee cup and the smokes outside onto an enclosed patio that opened up off the kitchen. It was still quite cold, but in her warm robe and with the wind blocked, she was comfortable enough. She had also grabbed her cell phone and after checking the time and knowing she would still probably be waking Susan, she dialed.
“Uhmmm…hello?” Susan’s sleepy voice answered.
“Suze?” Amanda’s voice was a bit shakier than she intended it to be.
“Mands? That you?” Susan was waking up more by the moment. “What time is it?”
“Almost seven. I’m sorry, I know I woke you up.”
“What’s up girl? Why are you calling so early? Are you okay?”
A loud sigh met Susan’s ears.
“Mands? What’s wrong?” Susan’s voice now showed some concern, both at the early call and at her friend’s silence.
“Sue, I need to talk to someone. I know it’s early, but…” Her voice fell off as she waited for her friend’s response.
“No problem. Give me two minutes and then I’m all yours.” Susan put the phone down after Amanda’s agreement, took care of her morning needs in rapid time and started her own coffee.
Sitting there waiting for Susan’s return, Amanda lit one of the cigarettes. A cough accompanied her first few tentative puffs, but unfortunately as an ex-smoker, she knew it would soon come back like she had never quit. A moment later she heard Susan returning to the phone.
“All set, coffee’s on, and I’ve got all the time you need. What’s going on, hon?”
Another sigh escaped Amanda as she started to tell her friend what had happened. After detailing the last few days, everything from helping Dot, to Jon’s mother, to his drinking, to the final moments of last night, she finally wound down like a toy with weak batteries.
“Oh shit, Manda! Are you okay?” Susan’s voice held real concern for her friend, along with what seemed to be a bit of anger at the hurt she had to be experiencing.
“I’m not sure how I’m feeling. It’s not so much that he called out Dot’s name, although that sure didn’t help, it’s that he shut me out of everything. He didn’t let me in even a little. I’m not stupid, I could see he was hurting and he never said anything.”
Talking about this was bringing things out that Amanda had been turning a blind eye to, things such as Jon’s need for control and the walls he kept throwing up whenever she sought to get closer. To her, a relationship WAS closeness and she realized she didn’t know what it meant to him.
Susan now took her own deep breath before she answered Amanda.
“Honey? Do you think maybe you’re expecting too much?” She began tentatively.
“What do you mean?” Amanda’s voice evidenced true puzzlement.
“I mean this whole thing is moving really fast…you’ve only been with him for a little more than six weeks and you’re living with him and…” Susan’s voice trailed off. She didn’t want to add to Amanda’s pain, but she had been worried about her ever since she had visited them in Jersey and had seen a glimpse of the life of a major celebrity.
“Manda…I’m just worried about you. I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt and I don’t want to see you go through anything like when Jeremy died.”
“You mean you don’t think this is anything serious for him, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t know him well enough to make that judgment, but…Amanda…have you really thought about who he is?”
A sharpness entered Amanda’s voice as she answered. “Of course I’ve thought about who he is! Don’t you think I know he could have anyone? Don’t you think I…that I’ve…” her voice trailed off. She did not want to voice what had always been her greatest worry, that this would end.
“I know what I’m doing, Sue, what the story is. He’s already said twice that he’s not getting married again, so…I know…okay? I can’t help the way I feel about him.” Amanda realized she sounded defensive and wondered how she had gotten in that position.
“Manda, it’s just that he’s got a lot of history and a lot of baggage. I told you that even before I knew who he was, when you said he was divorced with four kids, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember. But I love how close he is with the kids and I even think it’s great that he and Dot are still such good friends…so what the hell is wrong with me?” She ended on a near wail as despair and anger warred inside her.
Starting out slowly, Susan answered her friend as honestly as she could.
“Well, first of all you’re used to really sharing your life with your man and that doesn’t seem to be happening. Second, you just had a real shock being called another name by a man you love. And, third, you don’t know where you’re going. You always had a plan for your future and now everything is uncertain.” She stopped then, not wanting to hurt Amanda, but Amanda wasn’t dumb.
A quiet voice reached Susan’s ear. “You don’t think it’s real, do you? Deep down, you think I’m being played somehow, don’t you?”
Complete silence met Amanda’s question. Her voice rose then as her cold fingers hugged the phone tighter to her ear.
“Answer me, Susan! You really don’t think he loves me, do you?”
“…Manda, please don’t make me answer that…” Susan’s voice held the hint of tears.
A long silence was all Susan heard and then Amanda took a deep sigh, feeling her own tears about to fall.
Jon, carried away during the moment, had not realized what he had said. He dropped down over Amanda, burying his face into her neck and hair, murmuring to her that he loved her. She found herself completely unable to choose a course of action and reflexively patted him on the shoulder as he eased his weight off her, but kept her tightly bound to him by his arm across her chest and his leg over hers. Light snoring soon told its own tale, while Amanda found herself awake long into the night.
~~~
Morning arrived at the Bongiovi house and Amanda woke first. Wiggling out from underneath Jon’s arm, she freshened up as quietly as she could and went downstairs. Starting a pot of coffee, she found herself just wandering once the fresh cup was in her hand. She seemed to have nothing but random thoughts in her head and simply traveled from room to room, seeing everything and nothing at the same time.
During one of her passes through the living room, she saw a pack of Marlboro’s sticking out of the pocket of Jon’s suit jacket from yesterday. Although Amanda had quit many years ago, the cigarettes called out to her and she snagged two, as well as his lighter, and took a refilled coffee cup and the smokes outside onto an enclosed patio that opened up off the kitchen. It was still quite cold, but in her warm robe and with the wind blocked, she was comfortable enough. She had also grabbed her cell phone and after checking the time and knowing she would still probably be waking Susan, she dialed.
“Uhmmm…hello?” Susan’s sleepy voice answered.
“Suze?” Amanda’s voice was a bit shakier than she intended it to be.
“Mands? That you?” Susan was waking up more by the moment. “What time is it?”
“Almost seven. I’m sorry, I know I woke you up.”
“What’s up girl? Why are you calling so early? Are you okay?”
A loud sigh met Susan’s ears.
“Mands? What’s wrong?” Susan’s voice now showed some concern, both at the early call and at her friend’s silence.
“Sue, I need to talk to someone. I know it’s early, but…” Her voice fell off as she waited for her friend’s response.
“No problem. Give me two minutes and then I’m all yours.” Susan put the phone down after Amanda’s agreement, took care of her morning needs in rapid time and started her own coffee.
Sitting there waiting for Susan’s return, Amanda lit one of the cigarettes. A cough accompanied her first few tentative puffs, but unfortunately as an ex-smoker, she knew it would soon come back like she had never quit. A moment later she heard Susan returning to the phone.
“All set, coffee’s on, and I’ve got all the time you need. What’s going on, hon?”
Another sigh escaped Amanda as she started to tell her friend what had happened. After detailing the last few days, everything from helping Dot, to Jon’s mother, to his drinking, to the final moments of last night, she finally wound down like a toy with weak batteries.
“Oh shit, Manda! Are you okay?” Susan’s voice held real concern for her friend, along with what seemed to be a bit of anger at the hurt she had to be experiencing.
“I’m not sure how I’m feeling. It’s not so much that he called out Dot’s name, although that sure didn’t help, it’s that he shut me out of everything. He didn’t let me in even a little. I’m not stupid, I could see he was hurting and he never said anything.”
Talking about this was bringing things out that Amanda had been turning a blind eye to, things such as Jon’s need for control and the walls he kept throwing up whenever she sought to get closer. To her, a relationship WAS closeness and she realized she didn’t know what it meant to him.
Susan now took her own deep breath before she answered Amanda.
“Honey? Do you think maybe you’re expecting too much?” She began tentatively.
“What do you mean?” Amanda’s voice evidenced true puzzlement.
“I mean this whole thing is moving really fast…you’ve only been with him for a little more than six weeks and you’re living with him and…” Susan’s voice trailed off. She didn’t want to add to Amanda’s pain, but she had been worried about her ever since she had visited them in Jersey and had seen a glimpse of the life of a major celebrity.
“Manda…I’m just worried about you. I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt and I don’t want to see you go through anything like when Jeremy died.”
“You mean you don’t think this is anything serious for him, don’t you?”
“No, I don’t know him well enough to make that judgment, but…Amanda…have you really thought about who he is?”
A sharpness entered Amanda’s voice as she answered. “Of course I’ve thought about who he is! Don’t you think I know he could have anyone? Don’t you think I…that I’ve…” her voice trailed off. She did not want to voice what had always been her greatest worry, that this would end.
“I know what I’m doing, Sue, what the story is. He’s already said twice that he’s not getting married again, so…I know…okay? I can’t help the way I feel about him.” Amanda realized she sounded defensive and wondered how she had gotten in that position.
“Manda, it’s just that he’s got a lot of history and a lot of baggage. I told you that even before I knew who he was, when you said he was divorced with four kids, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember. But I love how close he is with the kids and I even think it’s great that he and Dot are still such good friends…so what the hell is wrong with me?” She ended on a near wail as despair and anger warred inside her.
Starting out slowly, Susan answered her friend as honestly as she could.
“Well, first of all you’re used to really sharing your life with your man and that doesn’t seem to be happening. Second, you just had a real shock being called another name by a man you love. And, third, you don’t know where you’re going. You always had a plan for your future and now everything is uncertain.” She stopped then, not wanting to hurt Amanda, but Amanda wasn’t dumb.
A quiet voice reached Susan’s ear. “You don’t think it’s real, do you? Deep down, you think I’m being played somehow, don’t you?”
Complete silence met Amanda’s question. Her voice rose then as her cold fingers hugged the phone tighter to her ear.
“Answer me, Susan! You really don’t think he loves me, do you?”
“…Manda, please don’t make me answer that…” Susan’s voice held the hint of tears.
A long silence was all Susan heard and then Amanda took a deep sigh, feeling her own tears about to fall.
“You just did.”
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
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I'm sorry but I have to agree with Susan! Jon does not love Amanda. She has to get out of there. Somewhere, where she can think! I'm so sorry for her.
How's Richie doing? :-D
I disagree (respectfully). I think Jon does love Amanda, but he just has some issues to get through. Some that he will have to get through on his own and some with Amanda together. I hope she doesn't walk away too quickly.
I'm not sure if Jon does love Amanda or just thinks he does.
He needs to straighten his head out first or this relationship is doomed.
Man, she's got a lot going on in her mind. She is overthinking it all. Both of them are. Really can't wait to see how Jon response when he wakes up!
I don't think she is overthinking it when you combine it with the other things that have been happening.
I'm curious as to how this will get resolved.
Linda
Jon obvioulsy still has feelings for his ex wife. Too much baggage to bring into a new relationship. Amanda deserves more than that. My advice...run as fast as you can Amanda.
I think Amanda is great and I do think Jon loves her on some level, but he's got to face some things in his life before he will really be able to move forward with her.
Great Job!
I personally can't wait to see how this turns out. will he remember his blunder? Will Amanda say anything to him about it and the closing of the door on his sharing his problems? who can Amanda turn to that might have an answer that, unlike Susans will actually help Amanda come to terms with these thoughts she is having?
Well I guess we'll all have to wait to see what Miss Sunstreaked comes up with.
I love it. Things were going a little too smoothly for J and A. Mrs. B. Doesn't come close to the possibilities this will bring to the story.
Great job Sunny.
AF
i dont even know if john really knows to to fully love someone because of the life he lives and thats part of what led to the demise of his marriage. the bigger issue to me is that manda has basically dissed her life and everyone in it to be up under john. she knows her mother has no one and basically abandoned her and has barely been bothered with her best friend. There are things i am starting to not like about amanda...i hope she realizes she has lost part of herself and soon